BoomerGirl Diary

Sometimes I think politicians do not live in the REAL world. I noticed that recently Rudolph Giuliani keeps getting cell phone calls from his wife during his speeches. He answers, “Hello honey. Yes, I’m giving a speech. It’s going great. I love you. Goodbye.” In the real world? I don’t think so.

I am at a luncheon honoring newcomers to the university. I’m in the middle of giving a report and my cell phone rings.

“Hello,” I snarl.

“This is the school nurse.”

“Oh, sorry. What happened?”

“I don’t want you to be alarmed …”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, your son got in a fight at recess and hit his head. We think he lost consciousness for a minute. He probably has a concussion.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes …”

I explain to the group that my son is “sick” and that I’ll have to leave. I don’t go into the details. Then I bring him home. As we open the back door he starts puking.

Another time my husband was in the middle of a meeting and his cell phone rings.

“Bob, I just wanted to check in with you. We told you your car would be $80, but we found some more things wrong with it … It’s going to be more like $350 …”

Bob works hard to maintain his cool, “I’ll call you back in 15 minutes.”

“Anything wrong, Bob?”

“No, just a little problem. Let’s wrap this up.” Meanwhile Bob is fuming. Why didn’t we get rid of that car? It’s one thing after anothe r…

Now granted, cell phones are probably the greatest thing for families since microwave ovens. Before cell phones I would call our babysitter from the kitchen of the student union or wherever we were. It was very inconvenient and sometimes I forgot. Once I called the babysitter in the middle of a dinner honoring a Pulitzer Prize winner.

I stood in the kitchen, watching the staff getting desserts cut and put on trays to take out. “How’s it going, Jessica?”

“I’m glad you called. Well, my mom is here so don’t worry. You know she’s a nurse.”

“What happened? Are Zack and Arna all right?”

“Well … Zack was playing this game where he throws the ball and jumps off the couch and he hit his head.”

“Is he okay?”

“Well, not really. He needs stitches, but mom put an ice pack on it and stopped the bleeding … Luckily he was wearing a red shirt.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Bob couldn’t leave because he had to introduce the famous novelist. Two hours and eight stitches later Zack and I met Bob at home.

Cell phones may be great, but I realize that as my sons got older I changed my tune a bit. The problem is that since you see yourself as a good parent, you carry the cell phone and rarely turn it off. The worst part is covering up the real conversation that you are having in front of other people. I was once at a business meeting. The cell phone rang and I answered it, of course.

“Is this Mrs. Hemenway?”

“Yes.” I could already tell that it was an irate teacher.

“You need to come down to school. I need to talk to you about your son NOW. I already tried his father, but he was in Kansas City and they wouldn’t interrupt a meeting.”

“Is he hurt or something?”

“He has no respect for others. I left the room for twenty minutes. When I came back he and his friend had eaten all of my cookies… How they knew it was in my bottom desk drawer, I’ll never know… I am very upset and need to see you.”

I nodded to my group, smiling.

“I will see you in one hour.”

“Leah, if you have to leave ….Is there some emergency?”

“Oh, just a minor problem. It can wait. Let’s finish up. It can definitely wait.”

When I got home and found my son, I explained to him that even though the whole class knew where the cookies were (I even knew where she kept her stash), he should resist temptation. I was glad that he didn’t have time to eat her candy and chips since she was gone so long. And maybe he should start eating breakfast before school. Every time I see this teacher I am totally embarrassed. I can just tell that she has not forgotten.

“Give me a break,” I want to say, “Adolescent boys are always starving and there are no secrets.”

Fairly recently I was substituting and forgot to turn my cell phone off. Cell phones are absolutely forbidden at Lawrence High School. The phone rang and I quickly moved into the hallway and answered it.

“Leah, this is the bank. I just wanted to let you know that one of your kids is overdrawn on his account …”

“Thanks so much. I’ll take care of it online.”

So back to Giuliani. Are the cell phone calls planted? Do they make him seem more human? Yes, they are definitely planted. No, they do not make him seem human or sensitive. If he were normal, he would be annoyed. His wife knows exactly when he is giving speeches or is very busy. She wouldn’t call. Or the call would be something annoying and maybe important. In the REAL world Guiliani is giving a speech and the phone rings.

“Hello,” he’d snarl. “I’m in the middle of a speech.” Then he’d apologize to his audience. Or wouldn’t one of his aides be holding the cell phone?

I only remember once when leaving on the cell phone turned out well.

My husband Bob was giving a short speech to a group in Minneapolis almost exactly two years ago. It was a conference for city managers, public administrators, professors, and graduate students in Public Administration. Bob warned the group, “I may be interrupted. My daughter is in labor.”

Sure enough, as he was finishing his speech, the phone rang. The crowd waited politely. He took the call quickly. Then he turned to the group, “It’s a girl, seven pounds. They’re calling her Lucina.” He smiled broadly as the group applauded.