April 7, 2008
(If You Can Possibly Help It)
I am not into fashion. About twice a year, I make myself go shopping for clothing. It's not something that I relish. It is something that I must do in order to be able to make a living and present a decent image to the world.
Here's a bit of wisdom that I picked up the last time I went on my forced shopping march.
Do not buy anything that has a tag with this verbiage:
"Due to the delicate nature of this knitted garment, please remove jewelry before trying on. Do not hang. Please store flat."
I actually liked the long sweater vest attached to the above missive. It was in a color that suited me, and its length nicely covered my sizeable derriere. But having purchased it and brought it home, I realize that this is what the warning tag should have said:
"Due to the delicate nature of this knitted garment, please remove jewelry before trying on. Consider also removing glasses and not using any super-hold hairspray the morning before trying on. It's also a good idea to make sure that you use an emery board to smooth your nails before trying on. If you are over fifty and your skin has taken on the general appearance of a piece of plywood left in the sun too long, do not try on until you have placed enough moisturizer on your skin to make an ocean-going oil tanker sit low in the water. In fact, try not to get closer to it than fifteen feet.
Do not look at it too hard or it will snag and unravel. If you talk to someone else about this garment, whisper. Do not shout or make harsh comments about this garment unless the closet door is closed. Do not hang it. In fact you're better off if you never take it out of its protective bag, but then of course the bag is on a hanger, which breaks the hanger rule, but it doesn't really matter, because when you take it out of the protective bag, your hangnails and any other sharp protuberance on your person will catch on it (see above.)
Understand, please, that you have purchased not a garment but a small, unmanageable child. Do not say we did not warn you.
Please store flat."
Comments
Beckie (anonymous) says...
Hi Pat. I love your humor that you inject into your articles. I refuse to buy clothing anymore that I have to "worry" about.
My daughter and I have a blog that deals with boomer issues to boomerang issues (her generation). I will be referring to your blog quite a bit because I have not found a better source in the blogosphere than BoomerGirl. Thanks for the information.
Cheers,
Beckie
April 11, 2008 at 8:38 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
pdetmer (pdetmer) says...
Thanks, Becky! Refer away. Appreciate your comments.
Pat
April 16, 2008 at 4 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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