January 16, 2007
One afternoon, as I was checking messages, I heard a familiar voice from the past. I was floored. The Athlete had pursued me more than a year ago. We had exchanged brief histories, photos and phone numbers. At one point, we were even to meet for a drink, but life got in the way and it just never happened. I confess I hadn’t given him another thought. Apparently, the same was not true for him.
I went to my computer and searched for photos and profiles of tall former professional ball players. He said he was 6’3” and the photo was quite handsome. When we finally made phone contact, he explained that there had been many changes in his life over the last year and that he had remembered our conversations fondly. The Athlete wanted to reconnect.
Typically I would refuse to meet for more than a cup of coffee or a smart cocktail at a first meeting, but the Athlete promised dinner at a fine establishment in Manhattan that I’ve wanted to try. I couldn’t resist the promise of fine dining and said yes. I thought this would be a fun way to start the New Year.
Date day arrived and I was looking forward to it. I was having a good hair day, and, in spite of holiday indulgences, I looked great in my black suit and silk blouse. Since the Athlete claimed to be 6’3,” I was happily wearing heels. I arrived a bit early, took a seat at the bar and ordered a glass of wine.
I lost track of time as I sipped my tasty glass of wine and read my book. The staff was eyeing me and suddenly I realized that I had been sitting there for 30 minutes. I have never waited that long for anyone. Not for a business appointment, not for a friend, and certainly not for a date with someone I have never met before. I immediately asked for my check.
As I was paying my bill and preparing to leave the restaurant, a tall man came rushing in, placed a holiday bag on the bar stool next to me and ran off to the men’s room. A couple of minutes later he reappeared apologizing profusely and blaming the traffic for his tardiness. While the man before me was in fact 6’3”, that was the only recognizable thing about him. The Athlete was awkward and unattractive.
Once we were seated, the waiter brought over a plate of complementary snacks. The Athlete lowered his head and began shoveling them in his mouth at an unbelievable rate. I couldn’t believe I had been foolish enough to agree to dine with a complete stranger.
Between inhuman "bites," he insisted that I open his gift. The first item was a bag of candy kisses. From almost anyone taking human bites of food, I might have found his line about sharing kisses later on charming. But the thought of kissing that mouth exploding with food repulsed me. As I opened the remainder of the gift, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The Athlete had presented me with a gift set of Lady Stetson. I don’t believe I’ve even seen a bottle of Lady Stetson since the '80s. I was suddenly struck by the ridiculous notion that he was a crazy man who lured women home enticing them with bottles of perfume stashed in his closet for the last 20 years.
As dinner proceeded, the Athlete became louder and more forceful. The staff, clearly becoming as concerned as I was, monitored the table more closely, constantly refilling my water glass while giving me pitying glances. At one point, the Athlete tried to feed me. I politely said no. He persisted until I found it necessary to shout out a forceful “NO!” The waiters circled around the table like wagons in the westerns I watched on television as a child. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
Back to the safety of the streets of New York City, I felt like the cab driver was the cavalry riding me home. Perhaps the gift of Lady Stetson was appropriate after all.
Comments
cathy (cathy) says...
Don't tell me... he was wearing Hi Karate, wasn't he?
January 17, 2007 at 6:20 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
sam_lally (anonymous) says...
Very funny. I wonder-is it only NYC where these things happen? We are so maticulous about presenting ourselves fabulously on dates-particularly first dates- why don't men do this??
January 18, 2007 at 11:33 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
mchurchill (mchurchill) says...
Cathy -- I confess I didn't get close enough to smell him!
January 18, 2007 at 8:34 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Billy (anonymous) says...
Pig. Snarfing food down his gullet on a first date - well it's just pathetic. Did he even offer you a morsel? Sounds like an animal - and not in a good way. And just add a Lady Stetson set to the equation, and it's a run for your life situation if you ask me. Seriously - where does one buy Lady Stetson these days? Ok - so if every situation in life is supposed to help us grow from that experience, what is learned here?
February 18, 2007 at 10:21 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
mchurchill (mchurchill) says...
Billy -- Thanks for the guffaw. I have no idea where one buys Lady Stetson these days, but you can be sure it is an item that will be re-gifted for years! What can we learn?.... not to take ourselves so seriously! If I can laugh at this situation I can get through most any dating experience!
March 11, 2007 at 10:40 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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