Company
December 1, 2008
And so, on Thursday they descended once again. The brothers, the cousins, the uncles and the aunts. The new girlfriend, the old parents. The whole mispocha.
Welcome to Vermont
November 20, 2008
Out here in Sherman Oaks, there’s little evidence of a poetic time some folks call autumn, others fall. In the last week alone, temperatures soared into the ’90s, the winds kicked up and huge chunks of hillside, from Sylmar to Anaheim Hills, caught fire.
Just in time
November 13, 2008
Just in time for the holidays, Sarah Palin has announced an exciting line of products, available exclusively through her hot new website: www.i’m-not-going-anywhere.com
Puppy Trainer Available
November 9, 2008
It’s official. The president-elect said so. Malia and Sasha are getting a puppy, and I'd like to offer my services to the Obamas and their personal puppy trainer.
Wiggin' Out
October 31, 2008
I blame it all on a very dear, close personal friend of mine who insisted that I dress up as Sarah Palin for Halloween. She made it sound so simple. I already have the right glasses. All I needed was the right ’do'.
Java Jive
October 22, 2008
I can’t help it. I’m obsessed with breasts. Not everyone’s breasts. Just my own. From puberty on, I’ve spent endless hours trying to understand why they never reached their full potential.
Groomer Girl
October 15, 2008
Showering is such lonely business. Your mind starts to wander, and soon you’re under a Hawaiian waterfall with Brad Pitt and Angie’s somewhere in Germany or France or Zimbabwe with all those kids. It’s just you and Brad getting friendly.
The Art of Shushing
October 1, 2008
Take a group of humans. Any humans will do. Put them in a situation where talking is a no-no. Then give a shout-out for silence and see what happens.
Kugel this!
September 23, 2008
Why the smart rich boys who came up with Google didn’t call their fancy search engine Kugel is one of life’s mysteries.
An Ode to the EMMYs
September 17, 2008
Oh, the EMMYs, that endless extravaganza of everything TV. A mind-numbing nod to reality and variety, drama and comedy and all the questionable stuff in-between.
That Wasn't Easy
September 10, 2008
Dear Staples, Hi! How are you? I hope everyone in your immediate mispocha is well. By me, everything’s good, more or less.
"Please hold"
September 2, 2008
“Thank you for waiting,” says the friendly male voice. “Your call is important to us,” he promises, pre-recordedly, “and will be answered by the next available associate.”
Hang in there, Paula!
August 26, 2008
Not to toot my own horn, (but if I don’t, who will?) a while back, I predicted (earlier than anyone else in the blogosphere, according to my own highly-biased research) that Valerie Bertinelli’s addition to the Jenny Craig campaign could only mean one thing for Kirstie Allie:
The Incredible Exploding Guy
August 18, 2008
Here’s how I behaved when I looked over and spotted the actor who plays Dr. Leslie Arzt, a high school science teacher on “Lost” (Season 1).
Members Only
August 5, 2008
Over the weekend, my youngest son joined an elite club that typically recruits new members every summer, about a month before school starts. In the coming weeks, a few of his close friends will face similar induction.
None of the Above
July 30, 2008
On Tuesday, as I reaffirmed the miracle of Earthquake Hold, that gooey stuff my husband affixes to every priceless chochkie on the premises, the phone rang...
For your convenience
July 23, 2008
The Internet has taught me many wondrous things about myself. For starters, I’m a complete gossip whore, a junky addicted to diet, fashion, health, sex and entertainment-related hearsay.
Spin Cycle
July 16, 2008
Hips come and hips go and my beloved dance teacher Doug has now had both of them replaced. His latest hospital outing brought him bionic hip number two and the requisite helping of pain.
Summer slumming
July 9, 2008
This summer, I’ve sunk to an all-time low in personal TV viewing. I fear my love of quality programming has up and gone on vacation, never to return.
Mind your kiosk
July 3, 2008
I confess. Kiosk people scare me. Over the years, I’ve developed a strategy to deal with this untamed group. Yet there are times I get roped into their evil web anyway.
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