BoomerGirl Diary

By Carol Starr Schneider

Most character actors spend their entire careers turning in wonderful performances without the general public ever knowing their names. If they’re recognized at the market or in line at Starbucks, it’s probably not for their brilliant off-Broadway debut in “Oh! Calcutta!” It’s for squeezing the Charmin.

There are times, however, when a character actor might encounter a lunatic fan fully acquainted with their work; someone who pops up randomly at, say, a low-key outdoor soiree. What happens then? Does the humble thespian run for the hills? Or stand there and soak up the unbridled admiration?

I’ll let you decide. Here’s how I behaved when I looked over and spotted the actor who plays Dr. Leslie Arzt, a high school science teacher on “Lost” (Season 1). Dr. Arzt, you see, is an arrogant guy who collects native fauna in various jars and complains that he never gets to be part of “the merry little band of adventurers.” When he finally gets to tag along on a dangerous mission, it doesn’t go well. In fact, he explodes. All over everyone. In the words of Hurley, “Dude, you got some... Arzt on you.”

In my mind, that’s the stuff of real drama. Did Olivier ever explode? Off-camera maybe. But never ka-boom! Right in front of our eyes! I ask you, how many actors could pull off a crazy stunt like that?

Of course I had to seize the moment. I had to meet the Incredible Exploding Guy from “Lost” immediately, or I’d never forgive myself. But I couldn’t just walk up to him. Not me. I had to be cool. I still had a trace of self-respect.

I went up to Dave, our co-host for the night, and grabbed his arm. “Oh my god, Dave, it’s Arzt!” I cried out, as if Paul McCartney had just materialized. My friend looked at me. “Who?” he said. “Oh, come on, Dave! Arzt! Arzt! It’s Arzt! From ‘Lost!’ ” “You mean Dan?” “Yes! Yes! Who else would I mean! Oh dear God! Introduce me right now,” I commanded. Wisely, Dave followed orders and took me over to meet the talented Dan Roebeck, aka Dr. Arzt. I could hardly contain myself. My husband accompanied me, no doubt to protect Dan. I started to swoon at the sight of him. You’d never know he’d exploded on national TV. He was put back together very nicely.

“Hi,” I began. “Hi,” said Dr. Arzt. “It is such a pleasure to meet you,” I gushed. Dan grinned. He knew what was coming next. “Carol is a big ‘Lost’ fan,” Dave explained. But no explanations were needed. Dan Roebeck instantly got the source of my glee. Then he glanced over at Howard with sympathy. “You a fan too?” Howard shook his head. “Uh, no.”

Whereupon Dan gave me his undivided attention, answering all my lame “Lost” questions. A kind and sensitive man, he told me exactly what I needed to hear. He made his experience on “Lost” sound perfect in every way. Anything less and I would’ve been the one exploding. In tears. It was obvious I hadn’t recovered yet from John Edward’s “Nightline” confession. Everyone needs something to believe in, and for me, that something is “Lost.”

So join with me now, won’t you, and learn about the dangers of nitroglycerin from the one and only Dr. Leslie Arzt. Watch Dan Roebeck explode over and over, as many times as you like. You’ll thank me later.