September 17, 2008
By Carol Starr Schneider
Oh, the EMMYs, that endless extravaganza of everything TV. A mind-numbing nod to reality and variety, drama and comedy and all the questionable stuff in-between.
Annually, I sit there alone, imbued with hope, searching for quality and a few good laughs and maybe one great acceptance speech. This Sunday, EMMY’s 60th, promises to deliver the familiar supply of cringes, groans and one or two moderate giggles.
I’ll root for all my favorites. I won’t complain, no matter how cheesy the proceedings get. The cheesier, the better, as far as I’m concerned. I’ll love it for what it is and isn’t. I’ll love it for what it wants to be, but can’t quite manage.
My view of this over-the-top affair is steeped in nostalgia. I’ve been to that Shrine in Pasadena on numerous occasions. The black-tie love fest beckoned us forth when hubby worked at ABC and later at FOX.
Many times, I’ve turned the house upside, looking for elusive cufflinks. Good thing Gary down the street had his own tux shop called Gary’s. He saved the day more than once.
Many times, I’ve dressed up fancy and accessorized myself in borrowed clothes and jewels. There was the year I was pregnant and Elena offered up a pink chiffon number. I looked like a very glamorous whale. There was the year Carla loaned me the perfect necklace and earrings to match my eggplant evening ensemble.
When it came to shoes, however, I was on my own. More than once, I returned home with battered toes, blisters and sunken soles, cursing the sales guy who talked me into buying the torturous, strappy footwear.
“They’re a perfect fit, ma’am,” he guaranteed. Never trust any one who calls you ma’am.
The last time we attended the EMMYs, we’d just settled into our seats seconds before the show began when I discovered, to my delight, that fan favorite Sue Hawk, a 38-year-old truck driver who made it to the final four on the first season of “Survivor” (Borneo), was planted directly in front of us. Oh joy. Oh rapture.
The self-proclaimed redneck was all dolled up in a slinky gown and makeup and looked so out of context, it was unsettling. She spent the evening kibbitzing with agents who dropped her shortly thereafter. She made a few appearances on “Hollywood Squares,” quit “Survivor: All-Stars” (unheard of!) and eventually retreated to her ranch in Montana.
Back then, I could practically quote her famous “Rats and Snakes” speech verbatim. It was Shakespearean in eloquence and dripping with venom. Her diatribe remains one of the gutsiest moments in TV history, as she took on Richard Hatch (the winner) and former friend Kelly Wiglesworth.
Informing Kelly why she wouldn’t get her vote, she punctuated her feelings in dark, even tones: “… If I were ever to pass you along in life and you were laying there dying of thirst, I would not give you a drink of water. I would let the vultures take you and do whatever they want with you with no ill regrets.”
Ouch.
That night at the EMMYs, I wanted to reach over and shake Sue Hawk’s hand. But her agents looked mean so I refrained. Still, almost meeting her is one of my personal EMMY highlights. That and standing “this close” to Michelle Pfeiffer in the ladies room. It’s the little moments I treasure most.
Yes, attending the EMMYs for free year after year was a hoot. But watching them in the privacy of my bedroom is much cozier. I’ll always have Pasadena. But these days, Sherman Oaks is nicer.
For fun, check out Sue’s “Survivor” speech:
Comments
cathy (cathy) says...
Congrats to Carol's good friend, Bryan Cranston, winner of best actor in a drama for "Breaking Bad". Listen to Carol's latest podcast to see how many Emmy predictions she got right!
September 22, 2008 at 7:49 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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