Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Babies do amusing things don’t they? I have given my young nieces beautifully wrapped gifts. What do they do? They throw the gift aside and just play with the wrapping.
It’s been a while since I have been a baby, so you would think I might have learned some sense. Not a bit of it! I don’t play with the paper wrapping on the gifts I receive, but I do it when I look at others and I do it when I look at myself.
I have a tendency to judge other women by their wrapping. I look at how they are dressed, how thin or well-endowed they are, and even how they talk. It is not amusing. I do it with myself. Now that I have turned sixty, I look at my wrinkled cellulite. I didn’t even know the stuff could wrinkle; but it does in my case. I look in the mirror sometimes and criticize my wrapping. The wrapping is not the REAL me. Inside there is still the young girl with a heart full of dreams and the older woman full of hope. Inside of me there are parts that I keep hidden, but they are an important part of my journey. Those are the parts that I would like to share with others. I am a bit afraid to do that at times, because I have sometimes been treated like a parcel and mishandled.
I believe that each of us is a special, beautiful gift. I am a gift to myself, and a gift to other people. I believe that part of spirituality is the discovering of and the sharing of the gift we are and the gifts we have.
Do you consider yourself a beautiful gift?
In this column, I hope to explore ways in which we can discover our true, spiritual selves by unwrapping the gift that we are.
Comments
daphne (anonymous) says...
This is so true,we do judge too much by outward appearances and do not look at the heart within.
Thank you Eileen for this wonderful reminder of the gift within all of us
December 25, 2006 at 12:56 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
loriv (anonymous) says...
Eileen,
You have found a wonderful niche for your
writing 'gift'...will look forward to
reading more of your work!!!!
lori
December 28, 2006 at 11:48 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
eroddy (eroddy) says...
Thanks for your commments, Daphne and Lori, and thank you for using the site. Cathy Hamilton and the World Company have done a great job of getting the site up and running.
Daphne, I liked your reference to the haart. I think that part of our spiritual journey is finding ways to heal and open our hearts. Many of us have closed up areas of our hearts because of previous hurts, and hardened some areas because of guilt and lack of forgiveness. We sometimes "cover up" our hurt with an exterior mask.
January 5, 2007 at 4:52 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
eroddy (eroddy) says...
Don't you just love it when you make an eejit of yourself in front of a larger group of people? It has taken me all of two weeks to learn how to get on to the website and make comments. In the end, I had to get the help of tech guru David Ryan at the World Company. Then I get on to make a comment, and, in an attempt to edit it, I manage to post it straight away. Too smart for my own good. Then I notice a spelling mistake and I am affronted big time because I don't know how to correct it! Therein lies a pararallel with my life. How often do I focus (or fixate) on the one thing that is wrong with me instead of trying to see the big picture? Well, I hear my inner voice admonish me, personal mistakes are fine, but if you are supposed to be a writer you should make sure you you get things right. I agree. I will have to learn to live with this one over the weekend at least, until I find out how to correct it.
I will also spend some time thinking of how I accept myself when I make mistakes. I can feel an interesting inner dialogue coming on. Now, let's see if I can edit and post this!
January 6, 2007 at 10:13 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Pat (anonymous) says...
Eileen, I love your reflections--you pinpoint something certainly true for me! I look forward to reading your essays regularly.
Pat
January 6, 2007 at 12:33 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
daphne (anonymous) says...
This is great, it is so good to be able to read the things that other people have written about the stories. Keep it up, it is giving me another way to look at things.
I agree too about the mistakes. I realised a mistake of my own when I was in church this morning, I also felt like a twit and wondered why I battle with myself when I make a mistake but just giggle when I see other peoples mistakes?
January 7, 2007 at 2:42 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
eroddy (eroddy) says...
Do you think mistakes are tied up with our fear of failure, or our need to be considered perfect, Daphne? I am wondering, too, is it part of being vulnerable? If we are willing to admit and share the mistakes we make, we not only learn ourselves, but we give other people permission to admit and learn from their own mistakes. You mentioned making a mistake in church. Sometimes churches can be the last places where one feels able to make a mistake because of the judgments around "being good" or "being perfect."
Another question: Is failure a feeling or is it a judgment?
January 7, 2007 at 6:17 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
TerriM (anonymous) says...
The discussion about fear of failure and the need to be perfect is hitting oh so close to home. In my "ponderings", I'm beginning to see that, at least for me, they are two sides of the same coin. My fear of failure is driving me toward the need to be perfect. Why I fear failure rather than accepting it as a part of life and an opportunity to learn is a question for which I don't yet have an answer. Since I'm actually a year ahead of the oldest baby boomers, guess I ought to start giving it some serious thought.
January 15, 2007 at 4:46 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
eroddy (eroddy) says...
Thanks, Terri M. Shortly after I left the Convent (after over 25 years) I had a period of waking up every night at around 2a.m. with an overwhelming sense of failure. I looked at my life as it had been, what it was, and a different future, and I felt such pain. I wept. The first night it happened, I prayed: "Lord help me to see and understand." I don't know about you, but the worse I feel, the shorter my prayer. This happened every night for three consecutive nights, and it really wiped me out. I repeated the same prayer and I was beginning to think I needed to change it to get some results. On the fourth night, I awoke as usual and it hit me: Failure was not a feeling, it was a judgment. I got up, walked around the room just saying: "Failure is a judgment! Failure is a judgment!" That really helped and freed me up. The person who was judging my life a "failure" was me. Yes, I know that there were few of the ultra-pious nuns in the Community I had left who actually told me I was a failure; but I realised that they, too, were judging.
I think we are our own worst critics, and we can set ourselves impossible standards. One of the greatest sources of growth for me, besides prayer, is the honesty of good friends. Friends who stand beside me and just listen, and offer words of encouragment or challenge as needed. Sharing our stories is another great way to help us grow. Come to think of it, I think I have learned more from my "falures" as my perceived successes. What about you?
Have you read my next colum: "See this woman?" - she was someone who was judged a "falure" and an "outcast" by the people around.
January 19, 2007 at 12:11 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
kimberlydeene (anonymous) says...
Ah ha, I too have wrinkled wrapping. To watch this metamorphose as the years go by is quite life changing. It does force you to realize the REAL you - although difficult at times as constant images parade around you in their beautiful, firm youthfulness. That's when I find my sense of humor is my best friend. I wear my age and my body changes as a medal of honor. I have earned every wrinkle, every inch that droops to the south. Life is not easy and I have triumphantly made it through this far so I must celebrate those victories and wear my battle scars with pride!!!!
January 27, 2007 at 7:30 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
eroddy (eroddy) says...
Thanks for sharing this. I love your comment "I wear these changes as a medal of honor." What has been challenging for me is acceptance. i seemed to sail through my forties and early fifties with a sense of fun and realization that I was changing and growing older. I noticed subtle changes as I moved into my later fifties. Then it felt that I was suddenly sixty and somehow OLD. The old-ness shows up in my body and this is somehow symbolic of deeper movement within my spirit.
As I have tried to go deeper and accept myself, I have noticed that my questions are changing too. I found myself asking question like: Did I make the most of my life and the talents God gave me? Did I choose the right career/profession? Does my life have a purpose (in Kansas)?
When I share these questions aloud, many people want to "laugh them off" or just tell me about all I have done and achieved. Sometimes, I want to just sit with the questions and move into that deeper space where I can be really authentic and know that if I can embrace the questions, I can also embrace the deeper part of myself that still lurks in the shadows.
Anyone else out there asking similar questions?
January 30, 2007 at 8:39 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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