BoomerGirl Diary

Note: This is the third of a three-part exploration of opening the heart as part of our spiritual journey. Read part one here, and read part two here.

Focusing on healing and opening my heart as part of the spiritual journey has been a challenging process for me. I continue to work on developing a spirit of gratitude as a way of melting resentments. Part of this heart-work called me to examine the process of forgiveness. I have to admit this feels like radical spiritual surgery at times, but I know it’s something I need to keep working on if I am to heal and take care of my heart.

Someone once said children are the best observers of humanity but its worst interpreters. It’s easy for children to take the wrongs committed against them to distort their view of who they are. An abandoned child can feel she is not worth keeping in the first place. Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can cause guilt and a belief it was her fault. If she is hurt or broken emotionally, she can learn to close her heart and not trust again. It’s easy for us to carry this pain into adulthood, try to cover and deny the wrongs done to us, or harbor hatred and anger for the people who caused us such deep pain. Turning this pain inward can cause ongoing damage to our physical, emotional and spiritual health.

One of the best gifts we can give ourselves is the gift of forgiveness. This does not mean we forget what happened or even tolerate or minimize wrong done to us. Forgiving what we cannot forget enables us to create new ways to remember — ways for us to rediscover who we are — persons of courage and strength. It can help us regain our self-respect and bring a lightness of spirit into an area of our being that was darkened by the wounds inflicted on us. It can give us the courage to look to the future and live in the present with a sense of hope. It helps move us from being a victim to being a heroine.

We don’t forgive because we want to bypass pain, or pretend it never happened; we forgive to heal and free our heart from being tied to the pain-bearers. Forgiveness benefits us. We release the poison of hatred and revenge and give ourselves the gift of becoming whole again.

In my not-too-distant past, I was betrayed and rejected by a group I worked with. I was cast aside without warning and felt devastated in the process. I took the advice I often give to others; I worked with a spiritual director who supported me as I struggled to come to terms with what happened. Many times daily I prayed:

“God, I acknowledge the injustice and pain inflicted upon me (by these persons). I send it back to them and ask you to bless it, and do with it what you will.”

This didn’t diminish the pain; it prevented the poison of revenge from finding a permanent home in my heart.

Growing older has presented me with the opportunity to pay more attention to my heart and given me the courage to work on giving it the gifts of openness, gratitude and forgiveness.

How does the forgiveness process work for you?