BoomerGirl Diary

I started meditating back in 1974. I’d left California for the Boston area and was really unhappy. I was also really crazy. I was suicidal. I was a mess. I needed something quick to hold onto and found it in the pages of the New York Times Magazine, which had an article on the relaxation response. Desperate for something to quiet my mind, I started meditating compulsively, twice a day, 20 minutes a shot. I was so desperate, I once made people stop a car and get out in a cornfield in northern Illinois so I could meditate in the back seat — that was nuts, I was lucky they didn’t just dump me on the side of the road. I practiced this kind of meditation for two years, while seeing an excellent shrink. One day I was in her office and said, “I don’t have to be like this, do I? And she said, “No.” Just like that, my craziness simply lifted, like a tornado leaving the ground. It was gone. Really.

Then, I was ready to practice with a group, so one night I went to the Cambridge Zen Center. It felt like I’d come home. I took a class from Jon Kabat-Zinn, the guy who went on to develop mindfulness meditation as a way of dealing with pain and disease, and learned how to do Zen meditation. It was quite different from what I’d been doing, not just in form but in direction. It was great.

After a while folks started noticing that I seemed calmer and happier, and one day my mom decided that she wanted to learn meditation. I knew there was no way she’d manage to sit even a one-tenth lotus position on the floor (not that there is such a position,) so I told her to sit in a comfortable chair, which she did. Sit straight, which she did. Put your hands this way, your eyes that way. Which she did. And then she looked up at me brightly and asked, “Can I read while I do this?” That was the end of lesson.

So how do you meditate? Well, which technique do you want? There’s a classic book by Lawrence LeShan called "How to Meditate" that has over a hundred methods, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

You can find books on specific techniques. There are meditation centers and groups everywhere — here in Lawrence, Kan., we’ve got Vipassana, Tibetan, Soka Gakkai, Pure Land, and of course Zen (for what these are, try Google), and that’s just the Buddhist groups.

Meditation is taught in yoga classes and martial arts classes, within churches and temples of all kinds of faiths. Innumerable small groups practice for a while together and then dissolve. You probably have friends who practice some sort of technique. A column on the Web isn’t the place for detailed instructions (but see below for a basic technique).

While the physiological changes from meditation techniques are pretty similar (and all good), they are only a byproduct of most forms of meditation — Buddha didn’t sit under that tree for six years because he wanted to lower his blood pressure. Different techniques really are different. In the beginning, it may look like all roads lead to the top of the mountain, but I’m not so sure it’s the same mountain they’re all going up.

If you’re lucky, as I was, you’ll fall into a practice that fits right away. Or you might have to check out a few before you find one that feels right. Please don’t believe anyone who tells you they have the One True Way. There isn’t any such thing. What makes sense to you? What fits you? Only you know the answer to that. Squeezing yourself into someone else’s box is not so good.

And now, as promised, here’s one basic method, the relaxation response. It’s not by any means a spiritual practice, but it will calm you down and open you up a little.

Sit comfortably in a stable position, preferably with a straight spine. Close your eyes. Breathe naturally and in your mind repeat over and over on each out-breath: One. One. One. One … that’s it. Twenty minutes twice a day. Or even 20 minutes once a day. Or even 10 minutes once a day.

It’s a place to start.