BoomerGirl.com

The women usually are the ones calling for help.

The wives who suddenly don't understand the husbands in their beds — their physical demands, their sudden interest in another woman, the hours they spend on the Internet.

Steve Pumphrey says pornography and other sexual addiction is rampant and often leads to extramarital affairs, excessive self-gratification and various forms of lewd behavior. And wives notice it first, he says.

Pumphrey is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in sex addictions and men's issues. The two are often synonymous, he says. Few women are attracted to pornography.

He also is the clinical director of LIFESTAR of Southern California at the Center for New Directions in Tustin and Laguna Hills, Calif.

LIFESTAR offers outpatient group therapy, which it says has an 80 percent success rate in curing these addictions. The program began in Utah and came to Southern California a year ago.

Q: Why is there an increase in sexual addictions today?

A: There's a lot more pornography coming into people's homes than ever before. It's accessible and it's free. People are getting more and more drawn to it, from young children to adults.

Q: How does the increased pornography trigger addictions?

A: What happens is the easy access to explicit pornography gives addicts the feeling they want to have that type of activity in their own relationships. They start doing things that leave their wives surprised and shocked. A conflict between the spouses arises. The men are looking for a more physical relationship, and the women crave an emotional one.

Q: So there is more pornography. How does that create a need for a sexual addiction recovery program?

A: Studies have shown that watching pornography gives men a chemical release. The more they watch and the more they experience this release, the more they are addicted.

Q: Are you talking about these men reaching a sexual climax?

A: The chemical release is the same as a climax. When you become addicted, the brain wants that chemical. It is harder to get over than drug addiction. All the sexual perpetrators out there began using pornography. The average age is 11.

Q: That's a pretty big statement. Can you back it up?

A: We've had sexual addictions before, but they weren't as many because access to pornography was more difficult. Now every person who has a computer and goes on the Internet has pornography coming into their home as SPAM. So because of this, we see an increase in addictions and sexual perpetrators.

Q: How does LIFESTAR cure these addicted people?

A: All of our staff are trained therapists.

The first phase of our program is six weeks and it's more of an educational program. We educate about sexual compulsive behavior and what causes that and the shame and denial around it.

Q: So these are group sessions?

A: Yes, and we encourage the spouses to come with them. A lot of times the men will blame their spouse - saying "you're not giving me enough love," for example - and there are real marital problems to solve.

They are group classes, but everything is completely confidential.

The second phase breaks the group into men and women. The women hear about how others are going through this and healing, the grieving process. The husbands are in separate groups and learn more about addiction and the tools necessary to stay away. They work on deep issues that caused the problem.

The last phase is a continuation process, more time to get in touch with themselves.

Q: What ages of men get addicted?

A: We've had men up to their 70s. Pornography soothes them, overtakes them in time until they want more and more and are unsatisfied with their relationships.

Q: Aren't they embarrassed?

A: There is a lot of shame involved. One thing they learn - addicted men come from all walks of life. And we can cure about 80 percent of them.

To reach LIFESTAR, call 888-795-4337 or go to www.lifestarsocal.com