BoomerGirl Diary

Hilton Head, S.C. — Last week I made a very difficult decision regarding the future of my cats. It wasn't easy, but I know in my heart of hearts that I'm doing the best thing for everyone involved.

They will both go as chickens for Halloween.

I know what you're thinking: "Shouldn't one cat go as a spider, or a ghost?" I thought about that. But I remember what it was like as a kid: Wearing the same outfit as a sibling can be one of the most painful punishments a parent can inflict on burgeoning individuality. The thing is, Target has these cat-sized chicken hats for $4.99, complete with ear holes and, let me just tell you, they're adorable. My cats will look really good in them.

I'd like to think that, were my cats able to trick-or-treat this Halloween, the neighbors would envy me for my cleverness and perfect pet parenting. Alas, "society" frowns on cats trick-or-treating (yet somehow it's OK for humans to dress up as cats and beg for candy).

Photo Gallery

Halloween Pets

Submit pictures of your pets in costumes to share with other BoomerGirls!

It wasn't until yesterday that I had second thoughts about the chicken-hat decision. I was in the middle of singing "If You're Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Paws" to my cats, when it occurred to me that maybe I was slightly overstepping the lines of dignity.

The even more unsettling news is that I'm not alone in doing so. Not only has my hard-hearted husband gone from "I'm not those cats' father" to "Give daddy kissies," America is now firmly on the verge of treating its pets as actual human children.

I'm not sure when all this changed. I remember a time when we used to say, "Oh yes, Fido is a part of our family" (with the "but he's really not because he's a dog" part unspoken yet very much understood). Nowadays, Fido has his own room and iPod, along with a 3 p.m. appointment for a massage and a closet full of fancy clothes. And we're only slightly embarrassed by that.

The niche market for pet pampering is growing every day, and we Otherwise Sane Human Beings are happily opening our wallets so we can be the first on the block with strollers for our cats and high heels for our dogs.

Do you think this happened to our early human ancestors? Like one day a cavewoman fashioned a baby smock out of saber-tooth tiger skin and - though the other cave families thought she was weird for putting clothes on "a baby of all things!" - the look of covered humans went from being an eccentricity to an absolute and welcomed daily requirement (until Britney Spears, obviously). Perhaps we're witnessing the Clothed Pet Evolution Revolution, and it's our Darwinian duty to put rain slickers and poodle skirts on our domesticated animals? (OK, maybe not. It isn't raining and this isn't the 1950s.)

As far as pets in Halloween costumes go ... well, who can blame me? The pampered pet peer pressure is too much to bear, and these cats are just begging for a little fun on the farm.

So I'm going to buy these chicken hats even though I know what category it puts me in: the Cat Sweatshirt Crowd, which is one very large step above the My Cat is My Best Friend Crowd.

I'm also fully aware of what's going to happen when I put these chicken hats on my cats' heads. Their ears will go flat, making the ear holes a joke. Then they'll crouch low to the ground and act like I've paralyzed them. They'll begin growling and thrashing around to get the hats off their heads, while I, in response, will panic and lose control of the situation. And finally, both cats will start running around the house, blinded and at full speed, in opposite directions, knocking over things like antique vases, glasses of red wine and grandmothers on walkers.

In the end, it will not be worth it, and yet off to Target I go.