BoomerGirl Diary

It's been years since I identified myself simply as Steve's wife or Tom's mother.

Almost 40 years, in fact.

Instead, I have identified myself as a reporter, a journalist, a writer, a book author, a television host, even the founder of a nonprofit group for women at midlife.

My work is my life. And my work took me outside the home, unlike my mother who worked at running the household.

Mother never really quit her job, of course. But sooner or later I know I'll have to walk away from my mine.

I look at "retirement" - the end of my identity - with understandable fear. And I'm not alone.

For the first time in history, substantial numbers of women are viewing leaving their jobs with the same trepidations as men.

We were the pioneers - the first generation to work outside the home in large numbers - and not all of us want to quit.

"How can I lose the small stature I spent so many years working to achieve?" asks my high school friend, Tam, a successful science writer.

While Lynne, semi-retired and living in New Hampshire, is content to spend her free time with family, not all women are - in the words of Suzanne, a physical therapist - ready to be known "for my great pot roast and ... fine lemon meringue pie. That's so my mother, not me."

Civic Ventures, which began by promoting meaningful volunteering, now also supports efforts to employ mature workers in various professions, particularly social service agencies.

Boomers - men and women - need to consider both freedom from work and freedom to work, says founder Marc Freedman in his book "Encore."

Women particularly identify with work because they endured such an identity crisis when they first entered the job market, says Phyllis Segal, Civic Ventures vice president.

Transitioning from work to retirement motivates women to seek organizations such as WomanSage and Renewment, says Helen Dennis, specialist in aging and workplace issues and founder of Renewment.

"Women at midlife are coming to these groups asking the question, `who am I?'" she says.

Well, ask away, but I don't think one answer fits all, which is why we created the women's movement in the first place. Because we didn't all fit the mold of the stay-at-home wife and mother.

We want options. We want to retire on our own terms, if we retire at all.

We want to work on those same terms after we reach the so-called retirement age.

I don't have any easy answers.

But we will talk about it and we will explore our options.

How much of your identity is wrapped up in your work? How will you break away? What will you do to replace the importance of work in your life?

Are you facing an identity crisis?

There's more to retirement than what's in your 401(k).

Maybe this is a gender thing. Maybe men, who reportedly always lose their "identity" at retirement, have the answer. Play golf.

Not all of us want to volunteer. Or play golf.

Not all of us want to focus on making the world a better place. Some of us just want to make money.

And some just want to bake cookies and spend time with grandchildren. Or travel. Or self-indulge.

After years in the workforce, it seems reasonable to ask for a retirement that continues to fuel our egos and give us purpose.

At least we can begin talking about this issue.