BoomerGirl.com

Single women (always single and single again): You can’t change society from pitying you, but you can free yourself from being affected by it. Here are 5 tips to empower you — for however long you are single.

Retire those old messages about what it means to be single

First you have to notice and then you can retire messages you’ve been receiving — since long before elementary school days. Messages that promised you the proverbial white knight and picket fence — if only you were a “good” girl. And, you need to retire the flip side of the message — that if you do not have a man, you are not good enough.

Redefine your image of a Baby Boomer Single

With age does come wisdom and experience. Because you are older, you are wiser and less likely to repeat the same mistakes. Own your accomplishments and be proud of your image as a wise woman, someone who has knowledge and life experience to offer others.

Set doable goals

Since you can’t make a man appear who is worthy of you, having a goal of marriage or remarriage leaves you perpetually unsuccessful, a failure. Instead, set doable goals. For example, learn a new language, get involved in something that makes your life meaningful, make a list of 25 things to do before you die.

Deal with the ambiguity of being single

It’s the “not knowing” if you will ever find an appropriate partner that is most difficult for women. If you knew you would not, you’d grieve and move on. The best way to deal with the ambiguity is to acknowledge it and own how hard that is. Help close friends and family understand the difficulty of living with the unknown. You aren’t asking for pity, just their understanding.

Find positive meaning in your being a mid-life single

To avoid feeling sorry for yourself, for however long you are single, honor yourself. Identify how you have emotionally grown, or things you have done that would not have been possible if you had been or stayed married. Finding positive meaning in being single does not remove your wish to be married; it validates your not having wasted your life.

I invite you to think about these five tips, to make your life more comfortable and satisfying — for however long you are single.

I also invite you to get, for free, “The 15 Golden Rules for Being An Emotionally Healthy Single.” Go to www.DrKarenGailLewis.com, and click on the link under “Special Offers.”